Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
