Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Boobs speak an international language.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
