I could have mohawked her pubes.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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