His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
