My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
