You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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