Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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