Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Dick very happy bro
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
