i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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