I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
