You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
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I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
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Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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