When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Randomize
