I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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