Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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