There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
