my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
