its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
