Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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