Ambien. No doubt about it.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
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