I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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