shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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