I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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