Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
