i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
