Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
