found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
