Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
