I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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