Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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