Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
