I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
