i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
