Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
