Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
