do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I am one with the molecules
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
