I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
