Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
That accounts for only three of the penises
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
