somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
