There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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