It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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