Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
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