Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(323): View more from California

this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude

(765): View more from Indiana

call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing

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(850): View more from Florida

Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.

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(819): View more from Quebec

She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad

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(619): View more from California

It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.

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(812): View more from Indiana

For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor

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(727): View more from Florida

I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...

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(631): View more from New York

I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"

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(614): View more from Ohio

The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died

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