I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
