Even the bartender felt bad for me
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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