I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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