So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
