how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
