Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
