I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
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i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
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He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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