oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
