i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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