Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
