I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize