And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
how can u be prego again
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
