i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
