fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
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I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Randomize