Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
two words...techno handjob
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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