If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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