Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
